Two of Our Least Favorite Words

Two of our least favorite words have to be “pay attention”. First of all, someone is likely speaking to you, which means your mind went for a little hike. Or someone was telling you something for the 3rd or 4th time, and he or she wants it to stick. Sometimes, my wife Vicki says, “this is the last time I’m going to tell you…” That phrase definitely gets my attention.

It used to bug me. But I now see that she expects good listening. When I say something, I expect good listening too. Don't you?

I want to take a stand for being a good listener. When I check out from a conversation it can appear leaky and irresponsible. Stephen Covey (see Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) emphasizes the importance of seeking understanding before being understood. To do that, we need to focus. Otherwise, we are making withdrawals from an emotional bank account. That is not good for a relationship, or one’s integrity.

Occasionally we all need a listening tune-up. We need to get our auditory, and memory A –Team off the bench and into the game. Since deciding to pay attention may not be enough, you may need to do something to make it stick.

May I suggest:

  • Ask the person to give you a second to get a pencil and paper. Say," I need to write this down so I don't forget."
  • Reach for your PDA. Oh how I love my Zire 72. Don't know how I did without it. Calendar, note pad, camera. Syncs up with your computer. Marvelous.
  • Write it down: put blank post-its inside you wallet for instant notes.
  • Put your watch on your other wrist. Write down the info as soon as you get to a note pad.
Remember that skills such as paying attention, listening, and being organized are a process and not an event. It takes ongoing practice, and we are never done. Hang in there. Now go have a cookie.



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